I especially like the story of President Uchdorf's military training. Thought I'd share.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Confessions of a Guilt-aholic
Hello. My name is Shelly and I'm a guilt-aholic.
Somewhere in my lifetime I've been given a double dose of guilt. There are even different categories.
Wife guilt: Do I support my husband sufficiently? No. There's so much more I can be doing in our home to make it a haven, especially since the only other place he frequents is the fast-paced emergency room (as a nurse, not a patient, thank goodness). I could sit here and think of the kitchen that needs a major scrubbing, the laundry that need to be folded and put away or the floors that need vacuuming, but then I'd begin to feel guilty about it and I'd have to stop writing to go take care of it. So we'll just move on.
Mommy guilt: Oh, this one is so prevalent and overwhelming. Do I do enough to show my kids that I love them? Do I feed them healthy enough foods? Do I teach them the best ways to live in the world but not be of the world? Those answers are easy: Nope, nope, nope. Honestly, I think even the most "perfect" Mommy could find things she wishes she could improve on. I hear these incredible moms I know talk about lists of things they wish they could do better and I just sit there thinking, "If you struggle, what hope is there for me???"
I was reminded about how ridiculous my Mommy guilt is yesterday. We are no strangers to waiting rooms. I hate those places. But when you're waiting for your little child to be procedured (not a word, but you get it), you have to wait what seems to be an eternity. The first time I had to sit in the waiting room to wait for Matt's procedure I didn't bring anything to do because as the perfect Mommy I should have been waiting on pins and needles at the edge of my chair thinking only of my little boy. Let me tell you, that kind of pressure on your brain is enough to make you crack. I had to learn that I was NOT a bad mom for wanting to distract myself from what was happening in the other room. Just human.
It's that distraction that I need to learn again. This time in reference to my Health guilt. It is so easy to sit here and think about where I could be if I had stayed on my path of diet and exercise: prepping for a half marathon, prepping for a 10k (the Plan B if the 1/2 wasn't attainable), 30 lbs lighter, a trim body, strong muscles, fewer body aches, months of established habits.
But I don't have those things. I've been too on and off in my work outs and good eating habits. So what do I do? I sit think about things that I have no control over. I'm on pins and needles on the edge of my seat thinking only of the time that I've lost and cannot get back. I swim in the guilt of "what could've been."
The problem is, there's no magical cure to get over that guilt. It's a mental game. And I can be plenty mental. Life was rough, I'm feeling better, I can get back to the things I need to do, and work hard toward my goal again. Instead of dwelling on the last several months of poor decisions, horrible eating, and loss of control, I need to think of the efforts I'm currently making. I ran 2 miles in 23 minutes yesterday while pushing a stroller. Not the most impressive numbers, but I did it.
I don't think I'll ever be cured of my Guilt. But I can do my best to become a recovering Guilt-aholic everyday. It's all part of my 4000 step recovery process.
Somewhere in my lifetime I've been given a double dose of guilt. There are even different categories.
Wife guilt: Do I support my husband sufficiently? No. There's so much more I can be doing in our home to make it a haven, especially since the only other place he frequents is the fast-paced emergency room (as a nurse, not a patient, thank goodness). I could sit here and think of the kitchen that needs a major scrubbing, the laundry that need to be folded and put away or the floors that need vacuuming, but then I'd begin to feel guilty about it and I'd have to stop writing to go take care of it. So we'll just move on.
Mommy guilt: Oh, this one is so prevalent and overwhelming. Do I do enough to show my kids that I love them? Do I feed them healthy enough foods? Do I teach them the best ways to live in the world but not be of the world? Those answers are easy: Nope, nope, nope. Honestly, I think even the most "perfect" Mommy could find things she wishes she could improve on. I hear these incredible moms I know talk about lists of things they wish they could do better and I just sit there thinking, "If you struggle, what hope is there for me???"
I was reminded about how ridiculous my Mommy guilt is yesterday. We are no strangers to waiting rooms. I hate those places. But when you're waiting for your little child to be procedured (not a word, but you get it), you have to wait what seems to be an eternity. The first time I had to sit in the waiting room to wait for Matt's procedure I didn't bring anything to do because as the perfect Mommy I should have been waiting on pins and needles at the edge of my chair thinking only of my little boy. Let me tell you, that kind of pressure on your brain is enough to make you crack. I had to learn that I was NOT a bad mom for wanting to distract myself from what was happening in the other room. Just human.
It's that distraction that I need to learn again. This time in reference to my Health guilt. It is so easy to sit here and think about where I could be if I had stayed on my path of diet and exercise: prepping for a half marathon, prepping for a 10k (the Plan B if the 1/2 wasn't attainable), 30 lbs lighter, a trim body, strong muscles, fewer body aches, months of established habits.
But I don't have those things. I've been too on and off in my work outs and good eating habits. So what do I do? I sit think about things that I have no control over. I'm on pins and needles on the edge of my seat thinking only of the time that I've lost and cannot get back. I swim in the guilt of "what could've been."
The problem is, there's no magical cure to get over that guilt. It's a mental game. And I can be plenty mental. Life was rough, I'm feeling better, I can get back to the things I need to do, and work hard toward my goal again. Instead of dwelling on the last several months of poor decisions, horrible eating, and loss of control, I need to think of the efforts I'm currently making. I ran 2 miles in 23 minutes yesterday while pushing a stroller. Not the most impressive numbers, but I did it.
I don't think I'll ever be cured of my Guilt. But I can do my best to become a recovering Guilt-aholic everyday. It's all part of my 4000 step recovery process.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Mens sano in corpore sano
I studied Latin in college. Just so you know.
Mens sano in copore sano is an oft quoted line from the Roman poet Juvenal. It is often quoted as "A healthy mind in a healthy body."
We live in a world of unknowns. Along we trod doing our best to be healthy and make good habits and then an unknown hits us. It could be something as obviously life-changing as unemployment or death. Or something that seems trivial, like contention with a friend or a child's fourth stinky diaper of the day. Whatever that unknown is, however trivial it seems, it can make a big impact on our healthy goals.
When our mind and heart are struggling, it is so much more difficult to focus on our health. For many of us, that's why we have the weight or health challenges we do ... our physical needs take a back seat. I am certainly no different. When my heart hurts, ice cream sounds way more appealing than a good run.
But maybe there IS something to Juvenal's word. Maybe it is easier to keep a healthy mind if our bodies are healthy. I've read all about those happy endorphins we are supposed to get when we exercise. I've experienced the calm that comes from a long walk. I've felt the soul healing benefits of slamming a racquetball ball into a wall over and over and over.
So my challenge for myself this week is "a healthy mind in a healthy body." When my nearly 4 year old plays deaf (selective hearing), instead of grabbing a handful of M&Ms, maybe I'll hop on my stationary bike for a couple of miles. When my baby is learning to fall asleep all by himself (again), maybe I'll do a few yoga poses rather than open the pantry. And, when I've been told what a mean mom I am (yet again), maybe I'll do a few jumping jacks (and mumble under my breath - I am still human).
Cindy
Mens sano in copore sano is an oft quoted line from the Roman poet Juvenal. It is often quoted as "A healthy mind in a healthy body."
We live in a world of unknowns. Along we trod doing our best to be healthy and make good habits and then an unknown hits us. It could be something as obviously life-changing as unemployment or death. Or something that seems trivial, like contention with a friend or a child's fourth stinky diaper of the day. Whatever that unknown is, however trivial it seems, it can make a big impact on our healthy goals.
When our mind and heart are struggling, it is so much more difficult to focus on our health. For many of us, that's why we have the weight or health challenges we do ... our physical needs take a back seat. I am certainly no different. When my heart hurts, ice cream sounds way more appealing than a good run.
But maybe there IS something to Juvenal's word. Maybe it is easier to keep a healthy mind if our bodies are healthy. I've read all about those happy endorphins we are supposed to get when we exercise. I've experienced the calm that comes from a long walk. I've felt the soul healing benefits of slamming a racquetball ball into a wall over and over and over.
So my challenge for myself this week is "a healthy mind in a healthy body." When my nearly 4 year old plays deaf (selective hearing), instead of grabbing a handful of M&Ms, maybe I'll hop on my stationary bike for a couple of miles. When my baby is learning to fall asleep all by himself (again), maybe I'll do a few yoga poses rather than open the pantry. And, when I've been told what a mean mom I am (yet again), maybe I'll do a few jumping jacks (and mumble under my breath - I am still human).
Cindy
info on the lurker
Shelly has also graciously allowed me to put my two cents on this blog. Currently I'm wondering if I have even one cent to share! I figured that since I have yet to contribute to a blog that tells about my life and family, and I am quite frequently lurking about all of your blogs, I had better get you up to date.
Hmm... I think the last info anyone really had on me was just around High School Graduation. A lot has happened in the past almost 15 years. I attended the College of Eastern Utah in Price after graduation. Went very unwillingly (because all my friends were in Logan or at home going to Weber) on a full scholarship. Had a lot of fun and met Dennis in January of 1997. We dated, and I fell in love. We were married on Nov 1, 1997. We stayed in Price because I had the rest of my scholarship to use to get my associates. It was a free college education, and I wasn't going to give it up. We wound up staying in Price for the next 10 years. I graduated (Dennis had graduated before we met) and I worked for an attorney in town doing secretarial and collections. The secretarial work was great, I loved working on all the legal forms. The collections was very heart breaking and made me feel very cynical toward mankind. I was quite excited to quit in June of 2000. Allen was born in July and I have been a stay-at-home mom ever since. I love it!
Dennis has been working in the oil and gas industry since 2000. He has worked for a few different companies including Conoco-Phillips, and has provided wonderfully for our family. He currently works for Weatherford as the Price shop manager, providing sales and service for the hundreds of natural gas wells in the area.
Boy #2, Taylor, arrived in November 2002. Boy #3, Bryant, in July 2005. While I was pregnant with Boy #4, Jaxon, we decided to move from our tiny little home in Price to a slightly larger home in Huntington (just 20 min south of Price). This is the little town Dennis grew up in, and where most of his family still lives. We live in his old home ward boundaries, and while I initially had serious doubts about being in the old ward, so close to the in-laws, etc. I have grown to love this little town and the people here.
Jaxon was born in October 2007 and due to unexpected and fairly serious complications, he needed to be our last little one. (I'm sure I'll get into all of this at a future date, this post is getting long enough as it is!)
I spend the majority of my time doing laundry, volunteering at the school, trying to fulfill my calling as YW 2nd Counselor (just gotta love those 12 year olds), spending lots of time at the library, going to my clogging class and running interference with 4 little boys: 2 scout schedules, 2 basketball schedules and homework for 3.
I don't know how much insight I can provide for The Bloggest Loser, but I will give it a try!
Crisanne
Hmm... I think the last info anyone really had on me was just around High School Graduation. A lot has happened in the past almost 15 years. I attended the College of Eastern Utah in Price after graduation. Went very unwillingly (because all my friends were in Logan or at home going to Weber) on a full scholarship. Had a lot of fun and met Dennis in January of 1997. We dated, and I fell in love. We were married on Nov 1, 1997. We stayed in Price because I had the rest of my scholarship to use to get my associates. It was a free college education, and I wasn't going to give it up. We wound up staying in Price for the next 10 years. I graduated (Dennis had graduated before we met) and I worked for an attorney in town doing secretarial and collections. The secretarial work was great, I loved working on all the legal forms. The collections was very heart breaking and made me feel very cynical toward mankind. I was quite excited to quit in June of 2000. Allen was born in July and I have been a stay-at-home mom ever since. I love it!
Dennis has been working in the oil and gas industry since 2000. He has worked for a few different companies including Conoco-Phillips, and has provided wonderfully for our family. He currently works for Weatherford as the Price shop manager, providing sales and service for the hundreds of natural gas wells in the area.
Boy #2, Taylor, arrived in November 2002. Boy #3, Bryant, in July 2005. While I was pregnant with Boy #4, Jaxon, we decided to move from our tiny little home in Price to a slightly larger home in Huntington (just 20 min south of Price). This is the little town Dennis grew up in, and where most of his family still lives. We live in his old home ward boundaries, and while I initially had serious doubts about being in the old ward, so close to the in-laws, etc. I have grown to love this little town and the people here.
Jaxon was born in October 2007 and due to unexpected and fairly serious complications, he needed to be our last little one. (I'm sure I'll get into all of this at a future date, this post is getting long enough as it is!)
I spend the majority of my time doing laundry, volunteering at the school, trying to fulfill my calling as YW 2nd Counselor (just gotta love those 12 year olds), spending lots of time at the library, going to my clogging class and running interference with 4 little boys: 2 scout schedules, 2 basketball schedules and homework for 3.
I don't know how much insight I can provide for The Bloggest Loser, but I will give it a try!
Crisanne
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Weekly Goals
Okay, so it's that time of the week to realize that the weekend is over and it's time to get serious again.
Really, I think long term goals are important and necessary. But they can't be fulfilled without the accomplishment of smaller, more manageable goals. I encourage you to think of those things that you want to do in the long run: lose weight, eat healthily, not gain too much pregnancy weight, sleep more, etc.
I've been trying to get back on the weight loss wagon, but I seem to lose steam by the end of the week. I'm hoping if I have a forum to report to, I might be more conscientious of how I spend every day and what I do (or don't do). If I will help me, maybe it can help you too.
What do you want to accomplish this week? Just think of one goal that will help you feel good/healthy/invigorated.
This week I plan to exercise AT LEAST four times. That includes running and/or videos. I don't have a gym membership. And until they are free and a lot closer to my house, I probably will continue my makeshift exercise programs for a long time.
What do you hope to do this week?
Really, I think long term goals are important and necessary. But they can't be fulfilled without the accomplishment of smaller, more manageable goals. I encourage you to think of those things that you want to do in the long run: lose weight, eat healthily, not gain too much pregnancy weight, sleep more, etc.
I've been trying to get back on the weight loss wagon, but I seem to lose steam by the end of the week. I'm hoping if I have a forum to report to, I might be more conscientious of how I spend every day and what I do (or don't do). If I will help me, maybe it can help you too.
What do you want to accomplish this week? Just think of one goal that will help you feel good/healthy/invigorated.
This week I plan to exercise AT LEAST four times. That includes running and/or videos. I don't have a gym membership. And until they are free and a lot closer to my house, I probably will continue my makeshift exercise programs for a long time.
What do you hope to do this week?
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Once-A-Month-Cooking
Do you do once-a-month-cooking?
I don't. But I want to.
It is also known as freezer cooking or batch cooking. The idea is to spend the majority of one day cooking and end up with enough meals to feed your family for a month. You freeze the assembled meals and usually just warm them up before eating.
I've done it a couple of times and it really was fantastic to not think about dinner ... just pull something out of the freezer and go. I did it last just before baby #4 and in less than 5 hours, I had 16 meals (and all the dishes) done.
There are lots of websites and books out there that explain and give menus and shopping lists. Most of the recipes I've done are comfort food ... soups, lasagna, enchiladas, pot pies. You know, all that yummy stuff that sticks to your hips.
I was very excited when one of the websites I frequent, Once A Month Mom, decided to do a diet menu! Everything is supposed to be lower in calories and better for you. I haven't tried any yet, but a few of them intrigued me. I especially love that they have a breakfast and lunch menu. I too often eat the same thing day after day. This could liven up my lunchtime and if I just have to pull it out of the freezer to eat it ... shoot, how can I go wrong?!
Each recipe on the diet menu lists the nutritional information, including Weight Watchers Points and PointsPlus. Sadly, the traditional menu doesn't have this already figured out for you - and there are some good looking recipes there too.
I'm thinking I might finally get serious about once-a-month-cooking. Now to find that one day in the month ...
Friday, January 7, 2011
Why me?
Shelly invited me to participate here.
Why? I don't really know.
Maybe I'm here to help everybody feel great about themselves: I'm not losing weight.
I feel like I'm gaining at the approximate rate of a toddler Clydesdale.
I gain 60 pounds per pregnancy... 40 of them will slip off easy; but that's later.
In the next 2 months I expect to gain 20 more pounds... the tough-to-lose pounds.
I'm six feet tall, and I'm not a willowy model-type size 6.
I did make size 10 once, just before I got bought my wedding dress.
I like my desserts, I like my dairy, and the one thing to sink all hope for me is to tell myself I can't have something. Soda only actually calls my name when I've decided to abstain for awhile. One of the biggest chocolate months of my life was the month when I was supposed to be skipping it. I've never been stupid enough to suggest cutting ice cream.
Better strategy for me: tell me what I will have or will do. Example: I will include fresh vegetables with dinner every night this week.
So why me?
I don't really know; but I'll try to be real, useful, positive, and helpful.
-Mindy (Merinda)
Why? I don't really know.
Maybe I'm here to help everybody feel great about themselves: I'm not losing weight.
I feel like I'm gaining at the approximate rate of a toddler Clydesdale.
I gain 60 pounds per pregnancy... 40 of them will slip off easy; but that's later.
In the next 2 months I expect to gain 20 more pounds... the tough-to-lose pounds.
I'm six feet tall, and I'm not a willowy model-type size 6.
I did make size 10 once, just before I got bought my wedding dress.
I like my desserts, I like my dairy, and the one thing to sink all hope for me is to tell myself I can't have something. Soda only actually calls my name when I've decided to abstain for awhile. One of the biggest chocolate months of my life was the month when I was supposed to be skipping it. I've never been stupid enough to suggest cutting ice cream.
Better strategy for me: tell me what I will have or will do. Example: I will include fresh vegetables with dinner every night this week.
So why me?
I don't really know; but I'll try to be real, useful, positive, and helpful.
-Mindy (Merinda)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Why do I have any say here?
Hi. I may pop my head in to post things now and again here. Hope you don't mind.
You may wonder why I get that privilege. Other than being one of Shelly's oldest and best friends (if I do say so myself), I have a weight problem.
I was a skinny kid. I love looking at pictures of how skinny I was ... chubby cheeks, skinny thighs. Ah. Those days didn't last long. As puberty hit, I became curvy. Sixth grade was bad. I did a cartwheel one day and burst out the inner thigh seam of my acid washed jeans. Okay, so the acid washing probably contributed to the weakness of the fabric, but my curvy thighs didn't help.
Junior high. Could anything hurt a self image worse than junior high? How about a guy who you thought was one of your best friends calling you fat and ugly? That was seventh grade.
Eighth grade was another blow. We had to have our body fat tested in PE. It was the final testing of the semester and mine was up a few percents. Up to 33%. A third of my body was fat. I was humiliated. I loved my PE teacher and I understood her concern for me. I blew it off under my happy face and explained how my dad had been in the hospital for a couple of months and I was spending a lot of time sitting and eating take out. I felt fat.
So it went on. I couldn't borrow dresses for dances, let alone any other time. I was even hidden in a dance picture once. I'm just a floating head behind all the other skinny girls and guys.
The sad part is that I look back at those pictures and I don't think I was so bad. Really. Sure I wasn't skinny, but I wasn't fat. But I felt it.
Time went on. College. I gained a few pounds my freshman year, but nothing major. I played a lot of racquetball and that may have been my saving grace. But I also ate every meal in the cafeteria ... buffet style eating and not always the best choices.
Then came the joy of being a bridesmaid. Ahh, the ugly dresses. The worst came when I was brought a dress for one of them. I was told it was the LARGEST dress they could find and they hoped it fit me. It was a size 9. I was a size 12. It didn't fit. Not even close. The look on that mother's face can still come back to me. One of disgust and why was I messing up their wedding by not fitting into the dress they wanted me to wear.
More time went on. I got married. I tried birth control for some acne problems I thought I was having. I gained 15 pounds in one month. I cried.
A year after I got married I had a cyst removed. A cyst that my doctor said he'd only seen on fat, hairy men. I cried again.
A couple of years later, I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). I didn't have a blood test or an ultra-sound to diagnose me. I was diagnosed by my hairy arms and my fat. Cool, huh? A year later I did have an ultra-sound and I did have PCOS, but to be diagnosed because of my fat hurt.
I tried to lose weight. I watched what I ate. I exercised sporadically. I wasn't a yo-yo with my weight. I stuck. I stuck at my post-freshman weight until I gained those 15 birth-control-pounds and then I kept those right up until I finally got pregnant five years later.
I loved the first trimester. I lost 10 pounds. It was the biggest move on the scale, in the right direction, I'd ever seen. Then I proceeded to gain another 30. It was all gone by 2 months post-partum though. I was back at the same weight I'd been for all those years. Then I got depressed. I didn't realize it. People weren't really talking "baby blues" much yet. Mine hit just before Halloween. I tried eating myself happy. The day after Easter I finally stepped on a scale again. I was up 13 pounds. I had to buy size 16 jeans. I was done.
I signed up with Weight Watchers Online that day. Over the next 7 months I lost 31 pounds. I did it all by controlling my food. I didn't go hungry. I didn't eat strange things. Just controlled proportions. I didn't even exercise regularly.
I weighed less than I did on my wedding day. I loved it. I felt great. I felt attractive. I did NOT tell people what I weighed. I knew if they knew that number, they'd still think I was fat and I didn't feel fat any more.
I was still 10 pounds from my goal, but I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant again. And again. PCOS seems to have gone away - but I still have hairy arms, go figure.
In between there I was a Health/PE instructor at an elementary school. I taught kids how to take care of themselves and exercise and move and have fun. It was the best job in the world.
So why do I have anything to say here? Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't have anything of value to add. Some of you were those darn skinny friends in school. But I've come to learn that just because you are skinny doesn't necessarily mean you are healthy or that you have a good self image. I want to be healthy. I want my kids to be healthy.
I have some overweight in-laws. Severely over-weight. It is hard not to worry that it is in the genes somehow. So while I'm going through my own journey to get to that magical number on the scale, I'm also trying to make my whole family healthier in the process.
A disclaimer ... I am doing Weight Watchers. They don't count calories. They just released a new program and it doesn't take calories into consideration at all. It tracks fat, carbs, protein, and fiber. So if I share a recipe or easy meal, I most likely won't know the calories for it. I apologize.
I also won't always be so long winded. Really. But as I watched The Biggest Loser this week and heard these contestants pass up 4 weeks of immunity just so they wouldn't have to train with an unknown trainer, I thought about Shelly's invite for me to contribute. If you know a bit about someone, it is easier to listen to what they say. If you can relate to someone, it is easier to give advice. If you know someone, it is easier to be their friend.
I need good friends to help me reach my goal. As of my weigh-in this week, I need to lose 29 pounds.
Cindy
You may wonder why I get that privilege. Other than being one of Shelly's oldest and best friends (if I do say so myself), I have a weight problem.
I was a skinny kid. I love looking at pictures of how skinny I was ... chubby cheeks, skinny thighs. Ah. Those days didn't last long. As puberty hit, I became curvy. Sixth grade was bad. I did a cartwheel one day and burst out the inner thigh seam of my acid washed jeans. Okay, so the acid washing probably contributed to the weakness of the fabric, but my curvy thighs didn't help.
Junior high. Could anything hurt a self image worse than junior high? How about a guy who you thought was one of your best friends calling you fat and ugly? That was seventh grade.
Eighth grade was another blow. We had to have our body fat tested in PE. It was the final testing of the semester and mine was up a few percents. Up to 33%. A third of my body was fat. I was humiliated. I loved my PE teacher and I understood her concern for me. I blew it off under my happy face and explained how my dad had been in the hospital for a couple of months and I was spending a lot of time sitting and eating take out. I felt fat.
So it went on. I couldn't borrow dresses for dances, let alone any other time. I was even hidden in a dance picture once. I'm just a floating head behind all the other skinny girls and guys.
The sad part is that I look back at those pictures and I don't think I was so bad. Really. Sure I wasn't skinny, but I wasn't fat. But I felt it.
Time went on. College. I gained a few pounds my freshman year, but nothing major. I played a lot of racquetball and that may have been my saving grace. But I also ate every meal in the cafeteria ... buffet style eating and not always the best choices.
Then came the joy of being a bridesmaid. Ahh, the ugly dresses. The worst came when I was brought a dress for one of them. I was told it was the LARGEST dress they could find and they hoped it fit me. It was a size 9. I was a size 12. It didn't fit. Not even close. The look on that mother's face can still come back to me. One of disgust and why was I messing up their wedding by not fitting into the dress they wanted me to wear.
More time went on. I got married. I tried birth control for some acne problems I thought I was having. I gained 15 pounds in one month. I cried.
A year after I got married I had a cyst removed. A cyst that my doctor said he'd only seen on fat, hairy men. I cried again.
A couple of years later, I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). I didn't have a blood test or an ultra-sound to diagnose me. I was diagnosed by my hairy arms and my fat. Cool, huh? A year later I did have an ultra-sound and I did have PCOS, but to be diagnosed because of my fat hurt.
I tried to lose weight. I watched what I ate. I exercised sporadically. I wasn't a yo-yo with my weight. I stuck. I stuck at my post-freshman weight until I gained those 15 birth-control-pounds and then I kept those right up until I finally got pregnant five years later.
I loved the first trimester. I lost 10 pounds. It was the biggest move on the scale, in the right direction, I'd ever seen. Then I proceeded to gain another 30. It was all gone by 2 months post-partum though. I was back at the same weight I'd been for all those years. Then I got depressed. I didn't realize it. People weren't really talking "baby blues" much yet. Mine hit just before Halloween. I tried eating myself happy. The day after Easter I finally stepped on a scale again. I was up 13 pounds. I had to buy size 16 jeans. I was done.
I signed up with Weight Watchers Online that day. Over the next 7 months I lost 31 pounds. I did it all by controlling my food. I didn't go hungry. I didn't eat strange things. Just controlled proportions. I didn't even exercise regularly.
I weighed less than I did on my wedding day. I loved it. I felt great. I felt attractive. I did NOT tell people what I weighed. I knew if they knew that number, they'd still think I was fat and I didn't feel fat any more.
I was still 10 pounds from my goal, but I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant again. And again. PCOS seems to have gone away - but I still have hairy arms, go figure.
In between there I was a Health/PE instructor at an elementary school. I taught kids how to take care of themselves and exercise and move and have fun. It was the best job in the world.
So why do I have anything to say here? Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't have anything of value to add. Some of you were those darn skinny friends in school. But I've come to learn that just because you are skinny doesn't necessarily mean you are healthy or that you have a good self image. I want to be healthy. I want my kids to be healthy.
I have some overweight in-laws. Severely over-weight. It is hard not to worry that it is in the genes somehow. So while I'm going through my own journey to get to that magical number on the scale, I'm also trying to make my whole family healthier in the process.
A disclaimer ... I am doing Weight Watchers. They don't count calories. They just released a new program and it doesn't take calories into consideration at all. It tracks fat, carbs, protein, and fiber. So if I share a recipe or easy meal, I most likely won't know the calories for it. I apologize.
I also won't always be so long winded. Really. But as I watched The Biggest Loser this week and heard these contestants pass up 4 weeks of immunity just so they wouldn't have to train with an unknown trainer, I thought about Shelly's invite for me to contribute. If you know a bit about someone, it is easier to listen to what they say. If you can relate to someone, it is easier to give advice. If you know someone, it is easier to be their friend.
I need good friends to help me reach my goal. As of my weigh-in this week, I need to lose 29 pounds.
Cindy
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Last Night on The Biggest Loser
Just for kicks, I figured I'd post about the most recent episode of The Biggest Loser since the newest season just began last night and I'm really hoping for a much more enjoyable season than the last one. I was glad Patrick and Mark won, but I really could have done without most of the rest of the season.
If you missed last night's episode and want to watch, go Here
or watch it here.
***SPOILER ALERT***
So, there are a few reasons why I'm excited for this season. I've already begun cheering for people and I'd like to see them progress.
The grey team (Moses and his daughter Kaylee) are from Shelley, Idaho. Um, hello? That's the coolest named city in the country. Plus, I used to live just a few miles from there. I don't personally know Moses and Kaylee, but I already like them.
The blue team consists of the largest contestant yet. Arthur is over 500 lbs, yet only 2" taller than I am. It's heart breaking and I want to see him succeed and become healthy.
But the biggest reason I'm excited is because the yellow team consists of Rulon Gardner and his friend Justin. Rulon won the Olympic gold medal in wrestling in a shocking match that surprised the world in 2000. But I like him more than just because he's such a featured player this season. It's because I've met him. He's a really nice guy. He mentored my brother who wrestled through high school and went on to earn a wrestling scholarship for college. I can't wait to see how he does.
So, what are your thoughts on the two new trainers? And what about the four weeks of immunity? When they announced that, my jaw dropped. That's a LOT of immunity!
It's no surprise that new trainers are being introduced. Bob and Jillian can't do the show forever. And new twists have got to be difficult to come up with after 11 seasons. I just really hope we are introduced to them next week. I don't want to miss out on seeing how the teams working with the unknown trainers are doing just to keep them secret for a few more weeks. I'm already a bit disappointed that we missed the bulk (pardon the pun) of that group's weigh in.
But, when it comes to the challenge and the teams that got to choose which trainers they wanted (the unknown trainers and 4 weeks of immunity or Bob and Jillian and no immunity), it made me wonder. What would I do? Especially if I didn't know that their group would have such great results in the first week.
I think I'd take the chance with the new trainers. And I'd hopefully learn enough, and lose enough, to be able to withstand whatever twist is happening in four weeks when everyone comes back together.
What would you do? And what do you think of this new season?
If you missed last night's episode and want to watch, go Here
or watch it here.
***SPOILER ALERT***
So, there are a few reasons why I'm excited for this season. I've already begun cheering for people and I'd like to see them progress.
The grey team (Moses and his daughter Kaylee) are from Shelley, Idaho. Um, hello? That's the coolest named city in the country. Plus, I used to live just a few miles from there. I don't personally know Moses and Kaylee, but I already like them.
The blue team consists of the largest contestant yet. Arthur is over 500 lbs, yet only 2" taller than I am. It's heart breaking and I want to see him succeed and become healthy.
But the biggest reason I'm excited is because the yellow team consists of Rulon Gardner and his friend Justin. Rulon won the Olympic gold medal in wrestling in a shocking match that surprised the world in 2000. But I like him more than just because he's such a featured player this season. It's because I've met him. He's a really nice guy. He mentored my brother who wrestled through high school and went on to earn a wrestling scholarship for college. I can't wait to see how he does.
So, what are your thoughts on the two new trainers? And what about the four weeks of immunity? When they announced that, my jaw dropped. That's a LOT of immunity!
It's no surprise that new trainers are being introduced. Bob and Jillian can't do the show forever. And new twists have got to be difficult to come up with after 11 seasons. I just really hope we are introduced to them next week. I don't want to miss out on seeing how the teams working with the unknown trainers are doing just to keep them secret for a few more weeks. I'm already a bit disappointed that we missed the bulk (pardon the pun) of that group's weigh in.
But, when it comes to the challenge and the teams that got to choose which trainers they wanted (the unknown trainers and 4 weeks of immunity or Bob and Jillian and no immunity), it made me wonder. What would I do? Especially if I didn't know that their group would have such great results in the first week.
I think I'd take the chance with the new trainers. And I'd hopefully learn enough, and lose enough, to be able to withstand whatever twist is happening in four weeks when everyone comes back together.
What would you do? And what do you think of this new season?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Hey! A New Post!!
That's right. After nearly two months of silence, the Bloggest Loser is active again.
I've thought about posting several of the health issues I've dealt with over the last several weeks:
Eating well during pregnancy
Depression eating
Controlling portion sizes during the holidays
Healthy alternatives to holiday cookies and chocolates
Can you tell which aspect of health I've been struggling with lately?
So here it is, a new year. Time for resolutions. So far, I've kept my food journal and actually been kind of low in my calorie intake. I'm going to have to bump it up a little.
I also started exercising again. It's been a while. I pretty much quit running after the two 5k's I did at Thanksgiving. So now my muscles are screaming at me. But it's the satisfying, "I HURT SO GOOD!" kind of way.
And here we are. I look forward to starting this blog back up again. I've got some recruits to help me keep things going. I think it's going to be a beautiful thing!
I've thought about posting several of the health issues I've dealt with over the last several weeks:
Eating well during pregnancy
Depression eating
Controlling portion sizes during the holidays
Healthy alternatives to holiday cookies and chocolates
Can you tell which aspect of health I've been struggling with lately?
So here it is, a new year. Time for resolutions. So far, I've kept my food journal and actually been kind of low in my calorie intake. I'm going to have to bump it up a little.
I also started exercising again. It's been a while. I pretty much quit running after the two 5k's I did at Thanksgiving. So now my muscles are screaming at me. But it's the satisfying, "I HURT SO GOOD!" kind of way.
And here we are. I look forward to starting this blog back up again. I've got some recruits to help me keep things going. I think it's going to be a beautiful thing!
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