Satisfaction

The scale reported no loss this week.  Eh.  Yesterday I was down a pound, but today that pound was back.

My weight tracker with Weight Watchers had this to say to me:

"If you’re satisfied with your weight this week, keep doing what you’ve been doing." 

It also said that if I wasn't to read some articles about plateaus.

I'm not at a plateau.  I'm just changing.  Two people in the last couple of days have commented on my looking-thinner-ness.  My husband keeps mentioning changes.  It is all good.  The number just didn't change this week.

But I had to think about those words,

"If you’re satisfied with your weight this week, keep doing what you’ve been doing."

Am I satisfied?  Am I satisfied with my weight loss efforts?  Am I satisfied in other areas of my life?

For me, the answer is yes.  Yes, I am satisfied with my weight loss.  I am making small, sustainable changes in my life that will naturally lead to a healthier me.  I'm satisfied with that number this week.

There are areas of my life where I'm not satisfied.  The reason I'm not satisfied, in most cases, is because I'm not giving those areas my all.  I'm not putting forth enough effort.  I'm not doing my best.

In my weight loss journey, I'm giving my best.  My best is different than your best.  It is mine.  And because I'm doing that, I can be satisfied with the scale and the physical changes I'm making.  My numbers may seem puny to what others can do, but it is MY best.  I'm satisfied.

In my parenting journey, I sometimes wonder if I'm giving my best.  I'm a religious person, but am I using that to help my parenting?  Am I praying enough for my children, for patience, for understanding, for an open-mind?  Am I spending enough time just being with my children and knowing them?  I had a form to fill out about my 4 year old a few weeks ago.  It asked me what his talents were.  I couldn't come up with one.  I felt like an awful mom.   I could have put "ability to charm the pants off anyone" but that didn't seem appropriate.  Do I really know my kids?  I know I could be doing better, therefore, I'm not satisfied.

As I look at the other areas of my life where I don't feel satisfied, I find the same thing ... I'm not giving those areas my best effort.  I'm coasting.  Coasting does not bring me satisfaction.

How about you?  Are you doing your best?  Have you learned to be satisfied with that?

Confessions of a Guilt-aholic

Hello.  My name is Shelly and I'm a guilt-aholic.

Somewhere in my lifetime I've been given a double dose of guilt.  There are even different categories.

Wife guilt: Do I support my husband sufficiently?  No.  There's so much more I can be doing in our home to make it a haven, especially since the only other place he frequents is the fast-paced emergency room (as a nurse, not a patient, thank goodness).  I could sit here and think of the kitchen that needs a major scrubbing, the laundry that need to be folded and put away or the floors that need vacuuming, but then I'd begin to feel guilty about it and I'd have to stop writing to go take care of it.  So we'll just move on.

Mommy guilt: Oh, this one is so prevalent and overwhelming.  Do I do enough to show my kids that I love them?  Do I feed them healthy enough foods?  Do I teach them the best ways to live in the world but not be of the world?  Those answers are easy: Nope, nope, nope.  Honestly, I think even the most "perfect" Mommy could find things she wishes she could improve on.  I hear these incredible moms I know talk about lists of things they wish they could do better and I just sit there thinking, "If you struggle, what hope is there for me???" 

I was reminded about how ridiculous my Mommy guilt is yesterday.  We are no strangers to waiting rooms.  I hate those places.  But when you're waiting for your little child to be procedured (not a word, but you get it), you have to wait what seems to be an eternity.  The first time I had to sit in the waiting room to wait for Matt's procedure I didn't bring anything to do because as the perfect Mommy I should have been waiting on pins and needles at the edge of my chair thinking only of my little boy.  Let me tell you, that kind of pressure on your brain is enough to make you crack.  I had to learn that I was NOT a bad mom for wanting to distract myself from what was happening in the other room.  Just human.

It's that distraction that I need to learn again.  This time in reference to my Health guilt.  It is so easy to sit here and think about where I could be if I had stayed on my path of diet and exercise: prepping for a half marathon, prepping for a 10k (the Plan B if the 1/2 wasn't attainable), 30 lbs lighter, a trim body, strong muscles, fewer body aches, months of established habits. 

But I don't have those things.  I've been too on and off in my work outs and good eating habits.  So what do I do?  I sit think about things that I have no control over.  I'm on pins and needles on the edge of my seat thinking only of the time that I've lost and cannot get back.  I swim in the guilt of "what could've been." 

The problem is, there's no magical cure to get over that guilt.  It's a mental game.  And I can be plenty mental.  Life was rough, I'm feeling better, I can get back to the things I need to do, and work hard toward my goal again.  Instead of dwelling on the last several months of poor decisions, horrible eating, and loss of control, I need to think of the efforts I'm currently making. I ran 2 miles in 23 minutes yesterday while pushing a stroller.  Not the most impressive numbers, but I did it. 

I don't think I'll ever be cured of my Guilt.  But I can do my best to become a recovering Guilt-aholic everyday.  It's all part of my 4000 step recovery process.

Don Your Helmet

Tonight I went to a presentation about body image by Rachel Stewart and April Price -- More Precious Than Rubies, Truth About Body Image in a World Full of Lies.


I hope this doesn't come across as preachy. I heard a lot of info that I just had to share.



Images of women in the media (movies, TV, magazines, etc) are deceptive. A lot goes into creating the ideal woman.



I had no idea that $60,000 can be spent airbrushing the front cover of a magazine. Many actresses and models have their own airbrush artists.






In 2007, the money spent on ads for products designed to "fix" you equaled $500 billion.



$55 billion a year is spent on diet product ads.



A lot was said tonight about the way children respond to their parents' obsessions with their appearance. Kids pick up on what they should and shouldn't believe from their parents. Makes sense. My kids love to please me. Of course they're going to do what I do.



I also learned that in 2004, more than 300,000 teens (18 and younger) had plastic surgery.



The thing is this: Satan gave up his chance to have a body. Now, he'll do anything in his power to make sure that we mess ours up. Elder David A Bednar said that the tool Satan cannot have or use is his major target: our bodies.



So what do we do?



We fight. The purpose of this blog is to create an atmosphere to share health-related goals. Elder Jeffery R. Holland said that we need to eat right, exercise and find our optimum health. He said, "There is no universal optimum size."



We need to gather our armor and fight this war that is banging on our door. We need to gather our breastplates, no matter what sizes they are. We need to sharpen our swords and shine our shields.



And more importantly, we need to don our helmets. Because this is a mind game, more than anything else.



Here's our strategy of attack:



1. Remember your divine worth and the reason you came to Earth. We came to this Earth to gain a body and be tested. We use our body to take that test. We have to remember that our body is not the test.



2. Forget yourself and serve others. You can't focus on yourself if you're helping others.



3. Fight "Fatism." We can't judge people by their shapes and sizes. It just promotes unhealthy images.



4. Remember bodies have power. "All beings with bodies have power over those that do not" -- Joseph Smith. We have the ability to overcome Satan and his temptations.



5. Question media messages. So many of the messages we see are an illusion.



6. Affirm your body is perfect the way it is. This was the greatest point made, I thought. 70 - 80% of your body is determined by genetics. You didn't come to Earth to get a body, you came to get this body. Your body is the one Heavenly Father wanted you to have, flaws and all. "Therefore, my body is perfect. Heavenly Father does not make mistakes."



I had to stop and think about why I'm making the goals I am. It comes down to this: I want to be healthy. Of course, I also want to be comfortable with how I look. And I know Heavenly Father wants that for me too. He wants me to be happy, but He has also entrusted me with my body. It's my responsibility to care for it. I need to nourish it, exercise it and keep it medically sound.



I need to don my helmet and keep myself in check. I have power and control over my body, whether I recognize that or not. It's up to me to know what I need and not let mainstream media tell me what I need.

I don't need to be stick thin. I don't need to have perfect hair or skin. I've been deceived by the media before. Here's me at age 19:

My eyes have been airbrushed to be more open, my loose strands of hair have been erased, as well as the red birthmark under my right nostril. My lips were added to. I had gone to an acting agency and this was my final headshot. I soon realized that the agency didn't want to promote me. They wanted to promote what I could be after being computerized and altered.

I'm not falling for that again. I'm going to get healthy, but I'm not going to lose myself in this war.